So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
