if i can run in heels then i can drive
so let's talk penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Randomize
