We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this boner is exhausting
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
