are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
