Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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