I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
