How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
