The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We left an ass print on the piano.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
