So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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