I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
