am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
