You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
