Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I love black thongs
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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