I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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