nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
