Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
