I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
