i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need a beard to bite.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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