Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
