Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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