You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
