I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
