someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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