Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
