I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
