I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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