Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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