worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
