when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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