I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
