Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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