a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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