Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
