So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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