And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
