The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
