He kissed a someone with a penis
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
