Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
