Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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