My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
