I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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