its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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