you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize