Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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