I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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