Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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