allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
