people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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