We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
