: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
