He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
