I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
